Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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