omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn victory sex feels great
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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