My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
