she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
