The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
