You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
