Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
