Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
