Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
