They should really pass out barf bags in church
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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