"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
