we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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