i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize