plz talk dirty to me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
