First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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