i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
