It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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