just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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