you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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