Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Someone signed my nipple.
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