I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
