well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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