How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
