i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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