in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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