so explain again why im purple
no
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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