I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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