I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
