omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just sucked dick on a ferry
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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