Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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