i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
