You can't special order awesome
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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