She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
