the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
