I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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