You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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