I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
