i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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