what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
