I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
