mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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