Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Come on in and take your pants off
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