She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There r osticjed everywhere
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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