Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
