I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
