Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm passing your future prison.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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