and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
