Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
