I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
