woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
