I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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