So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
