Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
