If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
