WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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