dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
