There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
