I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
