And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
