I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
