NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
