You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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