oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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