oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
