Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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