I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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