I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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