Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
