Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish I only lived at night.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think pants incapable of making pants work
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
