I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
