I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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