Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
