i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
