i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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