I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
