so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
