Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
