I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
