if only i could text you this smell
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
