my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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