Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
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"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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