Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
