I'm really into asian looking animals
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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